Go As A River

I recently read the book Go As A River by Shelley Read, a beautifully written novel by a native Coloradan set in on the western slope of the Rocky Mountains. The title’s message runs throughout the book and has stayed with me, asking to be pondered in my life. 

How do I allow my life to go as a river? And where do I make an effort to force, control, cajole, damn, divert, and reconstruct the riverbeds of my life? 

Simply put, do I control or let flow? 

If you’re now also asking yourself these questions, I imagine your answer may be similar to mine: both. 

It seems to me that most humans have evolved into our modern world with at least a sometimes sense of needing to control in order to avoid the discomfort of the unknown. I believe that we do this with good (or at least survival focused) intentions. If we can predict something –control something–then we can create a sense of safety and security for ourselves and the people around us. We tell ourselves stories such as “I know what will happen. I can make this better. I have to know and be right and do more, etc so that I can be loved, valued, worthy, belong, etc.” Oof, those stories can feel so true. And, this control strategy can work. Except…well, when it doesn’t work. Because nature is not about control; nature is full of rivers. Nature is flow. 

As much as we may try to avoid or unconsciously forget it in the busyness of our concrete- surrounded lives, we are part of nature. We are part of the flow. Sometimes a flood or drought or landslide changes the course of a river…or a life. 

A river is in constant motion, changing continually in every moment and microsecond. Have you ever become mesmerized by water? I often lose myself in watching the flow of water in a creek. I entertain myself by imagining my eyes can follow one water molecule’s path downstream, seeing it experience splashing, slipping, spraying, submerging, flowing. What a miraculous dance of constant motion in concert with a million other particles of life!

We do not actually know what will happen next, because life is flow. Strangely, and perhaps beautifully, I find this comforting. Thank goodness I do not have to know what will happen next. What a gift to not need to predict tomorrow or the future or what I will want for dinner tonight. It’s a beautiful thing to allow ourselves to respond to each moment as it flows toward us, adding our own energy into the co-creative dance that is life. What a divine thing to trust our innate ability to respond to the moment rather than try to control what we don’t yet know.

So, my new question is “how much can I allow myself to go as a river?” 

How about you? Is your life flowing or damned or somewhere in between?

It’s not only the book that has asked me to engage with this new question. The call to flow has also come through my business again and again. Specifically, this spring when it became clear that we did not have enough participants to run our May SoulWild Retreat I was heartbroken. I felt myself wanting to control, to try to make it happen. But that’s just not how co-creating with life works. The river didn’t want to flow in that direction; no matter how much I resisted it, I was being carried on another course.

So…we pivoted. We breathed and moved our bodies and felt our feelings. I’m grateful to have Elizabeth W.D. Collgray as my co-creator and to navigate what life wanted for SoulWild together. Connection with others is such a powerful tool to support me in being with what is. Even though we did not know what it would bring, trusting and being open to where life wanted to carry SoulWild has brought us exciting new things.

Now, another question I’m enjoying pondering each day is “What wants to happen?” 

So, as spring blossoms fully and rivers flow high, what wants to happen for you and in your life?  Truly, I’d love to hear from you. Connection is the language of my soul, so if you want to drop me a line, give me a call, or smile in my direction, I’ll feel it!