Have to love yourself first?

From SolVida’s Newsletter on Feb. 13th, 2025.

I actually don’t buy “you have to learn to love yourself before you can be loved by another.” Sometimes being brave enough to let someone else’s unconditional love into our lives is exactly what we need for our hearts to break open to self-love. Why do I believe this? Because I’ve experienced it myself, numerous times.

One of the first times was as I took my first steps into eating disorder recovery many years ago. At that time, the actions the disorder had brought into my life demonstrated the opposite of self-love. Although I knew that I loved myself deep down, my behaviors communicated self-deprivation and low self-worth. The eating disorder’s desperate attempts to protect me were blocking my access to the love within myself. Opening up to my first romantic love is what peeled back the layers on my heart, allowing me to tap back into the deep well of self-love within myself.

I’m not saying that loving ourselves first is never the right move, as I’ve also experienced the attractive power of radiating self-love (it’s how I met my husband!). I simply believe that it depends; that it’s all about timing. Sometimes we really do need space to work on accessing self-love before we can look for and receive love from someone else. Sometimes it’s the opposite. Overall, I believe that it’s about awareness and choice - and also the bravery to say yes to love regardless of where we find it first!

As many celebrate Valentine’s Day, which can come with so many narratives and “shoulds” about love, I invite you to bring non-judgmental curiosity to what kinds of love feel most accessible to you right now. Self love? Platonic, familial, or romantic love? Love for the natural world or a moment? There is no right way to love.

On my recent travels I happened upon this rock art, which reminded me that love can be found in unexpected places!

Today, may you open to any type of love in any big or small way, and wonder about how that opening might expand in unexpected ways! 

Here are a few questions to ponder:

-What does self-love mean to you? How do you engage with it?

-How do you let in love from others?

-What does unconditional love mean to you?

-How can you choose one small way to love today?

No matter where you are on your love journey, I am sending you care, trust, and light!

With love and joy,

               Zoe